This past weekend I had to go to a police spouse's meeting. I have never walked out of any type of meeting so depressed... like make me want to slit my wrists type depressed and ever since I have been in this funk. This really depressed state of mind. Like I don't know what to say or do with myself. I have been non-stop crying since Friday.
The meeting was basically letting us know that we will never see our husbands again and our marriages and lives are over. I seriously went home and told J that I didn't want him to do this anymore. Yep, I said it. I don't want him to be a police officer. I know I am being selfish. The wonderful, uplifting group of officers let us know that the divorce rate for officers is 78%. J will more than likely be on second shift and they work fours days on and two days off BUT when those two days fall on a Sat and Sun, more than likely those days will get pulled from them and they will have to work. Great.
In the words of the 'positive people', J will miss Aubrey's cheerleading events, her recitals, her school events, birthdays, holidays and pretty much everything else that is important. He will probably even miss my brother's wedding that he is in this fall.
I think that if me and J were rock solid, I wouldn't be so worried. We have been great lately but just a few months ago we weren't. I want to be positive about this whole thing but I feel like my husband is being taken away from me and I will never see him. I feel like the day the army took him away to Iraq....
I need some postive police officer stories. Not all the negative crap they were feeding us at this meeting.